May 1, 2014

Not a City Girl


Today, I came to the realization that I really stink at being a city girl. Okay, maybe not just today. It's a realization that continues to grow as the years pass. And if you know me, you're probably not surprised.

No matter how hard I try to blend in, cardigan sweater complete with scarf, dangly earrings and all, as I venture down to our state capital, I always end up doing something silly to make myself stand out as the token country girl.

If it weren't for GPS, I would never venture into the city at all. There's no way I would be able to navigate without it. I am directional and map challenged. Although, half the time, GPS doesn't get things right with all the construction going on. I sort of just close my eyes and wing it. I really don't close my eyes but I might as well. Half the time I even wonder how in the heck I even got to my destination.

However, despite my fears of venturing into the city, I think it's good for the soul. I love my country life, but I also love getting out of it once in a while to explorer what's going on in the "other world." Maybe get some culture other than my next door neighbor burning tires on a daily basis or a Jehovah's Witness showing up at my door. After all, the state capital is where a lot of important agriculture events take place. Ironically, they don't take place on a farm.

And there's Starbucks on every corner.

Speaking of Starbucks. Approaching my destination this morning, I decide I want to grab some coffee first and maybe a little breakfast. I punch in 'Starbucks' into my GPS looking for one in the area. 83 possibilities pop up. No joke.


I choose the closest one and enter into an illegal U-turn. Cars are honking. Pulling into Starbucks I nearly rear end a Mercedes Benz. I wheel back around the parking lot looking for an open spot. The only available spot is a tight squeeze at the front door next to a curb. Excited about the front row parking, I wheel in feeling like a true city girl about ready to order her venti latte skim no whip and throw the entire car up onto the curb. Students and colleagues sitting by the window stare out between sips from their mugs.

Oops.

My first thought is, thank goodness I didn't bring the truck. I probably would not have only driven up on the curb but wiped out the entire Starbucks sign out front.

I back out from the curb.

Clunk. Clunk. Ker plunk.

Coffee drinkers still staring out the window.

I re-position the car and smoothly pull in.

Now, the grand decision. After my grand entrance. To go in. Or not to go in.

Caffeine starved, hungry and desperate, I go in not making any sort of eye contact at all whatsoever with anyone sitting by the window.

I peruse the various breakfast items cursing that non of them are gluten free. You'd think Starbucks would have something gluten free. It is the city after all. My local small town coffee house has gluten free breakfast sandwiches for crying out loud.

By this time, I've had no time to look at the coffee menu whatsoever.

I look up to a tall old man with beady eyes at the register staring at me.

Rushed, I order coffee.

"What kind of coffee would you like?"

"Ummmmmmm. Regular. Plain. Coffee."

"Light, Medium, Bold or decaf."

"BOLD. Clearly I need it this morning." *awkward chuckle*

*awkward blink*

"Do you want your receipt?"

"Um no, that's okay." *awkward smile* *awkward pause*

"You're done now."

I scoot over to the other side of the counter.

After I get a hold of my coffee I head back towards my car again, without making contact with the window coffee drinkers.

I get back into my car. Take a sip of my hot coffee. Burn my tongue. Turn on the ignition. Let out a big sigh.

"Ok, where the heck am I?"

To be continued.... 

10 comments:

  1. I'm right there with you! It's always a crap shoot as to when I will make a wrong turn. I envy those who can drive around Indy with confidence. I am even more envious of those people who walk into a Starbucks and order a mocha cafe latte no whip extra shot????? WTH is that? I just tell them I don't get to the city much, and I want a coffee with chocolate, and extra caffeine, and oh yeah, make it with as few calories as necessary!

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  2. HAHA! I feel your pain! This seriously made me laugh out loud! LOVE IT!

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  3. That is soo me! We only have trucks, I drive and extra long Expedition in fact, and I always wonder if I am going to make the clearance in most parking garages, and I try to park as far out as I can, where there is NO cars, so that I can have enough room to get in and out. I always think that it is a fun adventure to go into the city, until I actually get there, and then I can't wait to get the heck out and feel like I can breathe once again!

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  4. A desperate friend was stranded in Seattle and our 3 am rescue involved going the wrong way down a one way street, on the wrong side of a two way street, and very badly maneuvered illegal u turn which blocked traffic until I backed up to clear the curb, illegal lane changes and illegal parking. I am hoping a whole bunch of electronic tickets don't show up in my mailbox. I think I will stay on my tractor. ;-)

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    1. Great story, Jen! We know the feeling all to well, that's for sure.

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  5. Haha, love this! Looking forward to reading the rest!

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  6. Love it Kelly!! Can't wait to read the "rest of the story".

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  7. Oh Kelly! That sounds like something I would do, lol!

    In the 9.5 years J and I have been married I have only driven in the Big City a few times. Also J was not with me. On the rare occasion I go by myself, I only a few stops and I know how to get to those stops.

    I order strong black coffee and no one ever questions me.

    Hope your day went up from here.

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  8. Haha, oh I love this so much! I feel like every word of this is something I've said before. I just don't fit in in the city, and I always feel a bit of a mess when I'm there. The traffic is insane, the GPS gets lost in the detours, there's no parking, etc. I'll take the country over the city any day. Can't wait to hear more about this adventure!

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  9. "My first thought is, thank goodness I didn't bring the truck." I can't tell you how many freaking times this goes through my head when I'm pulling into a teeny tiny space when I head to 'town'! Matt HATES driving and navigating through cities bigger than, oh 2500 people, so I usually always drive. I may suffer a bit of road rage and fit in quite nicely when we make a trip to Chicago or STL! I know for a fact Matt could never survive in the city, but I'd like to think I could hack it for at least a few days... but then I'd be missing quiet country life!

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